A leaf from a man living with a beautiful Christian woman. Lessons for Men – Part I
Preamble: This article is inspired and written in honour of Enid Nasimiyu Bhebe, my beautiful wife without whom these thoughts would have never entered my mind. I am so grateful to God that indeed in His time, He made all things beautiful and it pleased the maker of the universe and earth to summon a young man from a far off country and make his paths cross that of a young woman from another land that from then hence forth make these two mortal souls ‘hearts beat as one. What a wonderful journey it has been. Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! How great to know that not a single shaft can hit, till the sovereign Lord sees fit. And what wonderful lessons I have had to learn as a husband to such a beautiful woman. May He who formed us in our wombs, He who shall guide us to our tombs be honoured now and forever more.
It is interesting that in the Bible, beautiful women have always been used by God to accomplish great things. The beauty of a woman is often balanced with something very special in order for it to be most effective. Proverbs 18:22 says; he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the Lord. Just the whole idea of getting a wife leads to the best of gifts one can get and opens doors to many favours. But to find not just a wife, but a beautiful one; physically attractive one is a double blessing.
Psalm 139:14 clearly reminds us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made; God’s works are wonderful, we know that full well. We are created in the image of God, and God doesn’t make junk! Like a snowflake, every person is unique. No two are the same. God sees you as a masterpiece; and when you look in the mirror, He wants you to “know that full well.” So here is a beauty tip for everyone. Every morning when you look in the mirror, say Psalm 139:14 and smile. You might even write the verse on your mirror as a reminder!
But here I am referring to those beautiful women whom every eye whether of a man or a women will always seek a second look. They are so attractive to behold. Yes, beauty is in the eyes of a beholder but every beholder sees beauty in this woman and so she qualified by any definition to fit the profile of a beautiful woman. Beautiful by acclamation. Now for those men whose wives fit this profile, I have a few thoughts for you. I am one of those men whose wife is a beautiful woman. Because of the challenges I have faced in being a husband to such an attractive woman, I have had to search the scriptures for wisdom. Here is what I have found.
Starting with Sarah the wife of Abraham. The Bible records in Genesis 12:11-13 – “11 As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, “I know what a beautiful woman you are. 12 When the Egyptians see you, they will say, ‘This is his wife.’ Then they will kill me but will let you live. 13 Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you.”
Lesson 1 – If you have a beautiful wife – defend her.
We notice in these verses that Sarah’s natural beauty became a source of insecurity for her husband and a stumbling block for her safety . Sara’s beauty drew a lot of attention from others, every time they walked together with her husband and Abraham knew it. How many times when walking the streets with my wife or simply driving along and other motorists looking intently at our car till they are almost causing an accident. I know they are not looking at me, there is nothing particularly to attract them to me, but it is the beauty of my wife they are attracted to.
So how do you react as a man – the husband to this beauty? Well, all men want a beautiful wife, but not all men have the courage to defend them. Sarah’s beauty was sometimes a burden in her life rather than a blessing. I believe that Sarah made a decision early in life to trust in the Lord and His plan for her life, not in her beauty and the doors it would open in her life. As women work hard to become beautiful women of God, they need to make sure that their outward beauty is anchored in a desire to please God and not in an effort to attract the attention of others . . . especially other men.
But as for you dear husband, have courage to face those Egyptians who see that your damsel is a very beautiful woman., so that when Pharaoh’s officials see her, their praise of her to Pharaoh will not lead to her being taken into his palace. Fight a good fight. Defend her; it is part of your duty as a husband to protect her and nurture her even to death as Christ loved the church even to death on the cross. As Christ gave his life without requiring anything in return, you also husband of such a beautiful woman should not ever give up on her even though there are plenty of reasons to. Do not get impatient with the situation at hand despite any persistent shortcomings. You should not ever complain even though there is plenty to complain about. Imagine how amazing your marriage and relationship will be if you would love your wife as Christ loved the Church.
Christ also took it upon himself to make sure the Church “might be holy and without blemish.” So take responsibility for your wife? Make even more beautiful and do not let anything diminish that beauty while she is in your care. Care for her soul as well.
When other men gaze at my wife until they are almost causing an accident, I have learnt to defend my wife by looking at them with a talking eye and register it in them that this is forbidden territory for them. I have devised methods of communication my security and authority over my wife.
Lesson 2 – If you have a beautiful wife – be wise and make her the most perfectly balanced woman.
In the book of I Samuel 25:1-3 we find another very beautiful woman called Abigail. The Bible describes her as a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance. She was a woman that was beautiful on the outside and filled with the wisdom of God on the inside. Now here is an example of a perfectly balanced woman and God had a job for her. He made her the wife of a mean and nasty man called Nabal. Imagine that kind of a husband. When most of us see something like this, we think, “What a waste of a good woman! In my mother’s language there is an African proverb for such – it says (interpretation) öh how nice the beautiful feathers which went to a night jackle”. Yabota minimba yakaya kuli lukumba”. This beautiful woman should have been married to a better man than that!” Well later this beautiful woman went on to become a wife to King David, but to start with, God gave her a personal life filled with disappointment, discouragement and despair.
So husband of a beautiful woman, do not fill the life of your beautiful wife with disappointment, discouragement and dispair. She deserves the best, be warned lest God should take her away from you and who knows he might just give her over to some wise King David who will transform her into a queen. But she may be better off there as a queen than with a not so wise man who turns her into a door mart. Take care of the beautiful gift God has entrasted to you. He could have chosen to give her to anyone else. Ensure that your beautiful woman resembles Abigail who was one of the women who shined in the midst of it.
Anyone can be beautiful and wise when everything around them is going great . . . but it takes a truly amazing woman to be that way when their personal life is lived in the pits and valleys! Do not put unnecessary restrictions on her, but march that beauty with leadership, love and care.
The life of Abigail reminds us that natural beauty is always enhanced and illuminated by the development of good understanding. Every beautiful woman and husband of one as such should purpose in their hearts to develop a sensible spirit and a mind filled with good understanding so that the beauty of the woman will continue to radiate for God no matter what kind of mean and nasty people they find themselves around!
I hope we have learned something from the lives of these two women – Sarah and Abigail. Being born beautiful is a gift of God that must be balanced with godliness and good character in order to be properly used and protected. Men with naturally beautiful women must learn that beautiful women come with extra responsibility. Your life with a beautiful woman will require you to protect her but also maintain the beauty. There is a lesson here also that beauty, whether natural or diligently developed is used as a source of great encouragement to others and provides many special opportunities to both the husband and the wife. We must be very careful to be good stewards with the beauty that God has entrusted into our care. Wrap it tightly in modesty and humility, so that it is not used to dishonour God and become a stumbling block to those around you.